Take your pleasure seriously

In 2014 I lost my best friend and cousin Cathy Chiu to stage 4 cancer. We were shocked. Not only did we think she was improving, but we actually saw dozens of photos on Facebook of her enjoying life with her family in Singapore and Hawaii three weeks before her death.

#telepathynation #reflections #death #lessons #life #sacralchakra #water #selfworth #manifestation #lawofattraction #soul #sacrifice #honesty #hidden #forgiveness #expectations #cancer

In 2010 I spent two years overseas with my cousin, so I know her like a second sister. She might be in tremendous physical pain but she forced herself to look happy for the sake of others: her mom, our grandmother, her kids, her customers, etc.

One instance that exemplifies this behavior was when she received a health department notice about her restaurant kitchen. She was being fined hundreds of dollars, to which probably to you and me, would make us tear our hair out and worry. But I remember her clearly that day. She took the notice and shoved it in her purse, saying, "It's only money. There are bigger things to think about."

We thought she meant other management issues.

Little did we realize that she was planning for her pending death, secretly arranging the sale of properties for her mom and children's benefit, meanwhile going through multiple anticancer treatments.

She was the type of person you always looked up to, and felt was your best friend. Even if you've only eaten at her restaurant once. She smiled and joked, and entertained so many, despite the physical and financial burdens that must've weighed on her mind, that you would never know how much she suffered inside.


It has been three years she has been gone. Today is her birthday, and she would've been 52 years old; and on this occasion, where I've had my first vacation in three years, I reminisce about how grateful I was to have spent time with her.

I reminisce about buying her these expensive but fun waterproof sandals that looked like duck feet. I reminisce about all the car trips we took to Yangming-san, a mountainous retreat, to look at the city from above, and all the times she treated me to buffets on her special hotel club card.

When I was in Taiwan I never felt lonely because there was always her, along with students, classmates and roommates, to cook interesting dishes for. I remember her telling me how happy she was, to be served instead of doing the food serving.

During that time, I enjoyed the lavish things we did, even as I couldn't afford them. Looking back, that may have been foolish. But being able to be equal and give something back to her was important; and it made her feel less of a caretaker.

My cousin was my rock. Through my own health crises, panic attacks, money worries, family problems, she was this immense "Buddha-like" sponge that could absorb it all, and reflect to you: "It'll pass; I've been there." (And yet her experience would be 1000x worse.)
Sometimes strong people are their worst enemies. They don't allow people to see their vulnerabilities and let them shoulder the pain. When she passed, I knew she had been lying and hiding it from the rest of the family to prevent them from worrying.


Lessons learned: self esteem, life's pleasures, sense of womanhood, emotions

This is what I learned from her. She was a student of positive manifestation, and was a creative entrepreneur, having read books on abundance and successful living. I will post shots of her creative vision, Gusto Restaurant, in Taipei, Taiwan, to give you an idea of how brilliant she was.

She always lectured her mom and me about the importance of eating, drinking, sleeping, dressing and living well. "This is how you tell yourself you're worthy of the money that has yet to become attracted to you," she said.

Indeed, she was right.

This is coming from not a profligate spender, but from someone who was prudent enough to manage her mom's business out of bankruptcy at age 23, and who ran successful businesses for 20 years. In addition being a good manager, she was a good mom and beautiful person.

The only thing she couldn't do through manifestation work, though, was undo the damage done by her husband's sexual infidelity. They were high school sweethearts and married not shortly after graduation. Both hardworking, my cousin in law came from worse means, but he rose to the occasion by becoming a successful manager in China's largest shipping conglomerate. That said, he often traveled alone to do his work, and eventually fell in love with a prostitute and got her pregnant. This news alone was a complete affront to my cousin, who turned into a self-sacrificing and dutiful housewife after marriage.

She eventually forgave him, even after he left the woman. But she refused any attempts at reconciliation. Even after the divorce, she didn't accept alimony. She only wanted to end things peacefully for the sake of the children. Yet, I know, from having spent time with her and her children, that there were many years of sleeping in the cellar of her kitchen as a temporary home, before she would even ask for assistance from anyone. She raised her own money to start her restaurant, and schmoozed her way to becoming one of Taipei's best known Spanish restaturants, overcoming the obstacle of being tucked away in an alleyway no one normally go to, in one of the city's swankiest districts.

"Before the divorce I didn't think I had it within me," I recall her saying.

"But afterwards, I saw it was a good thing, because it saved me from myself, from being just a mom. Women should be independent. Never to sacrifice everything for the family like I did, because look at what happened.

"When you don't value yourself, your husband will leave you for someone that does."

That realization hit me hard. No one would think my cousin (this successful entrepreneur) would have been just a dumpy old housewife. Ever. She dressed well; she was always cheerful, and she was so glamorous, men always hit on her when she took excursions to China to see her ex-husband and daughter.

It was unfathomable. On the outside she lived the perfect life. On the inside, she hid so many truths.

I always wondered why she got into the cosmetic surgery business in mainland China and Taiwan, even though she already had a successful restaurant. Then I realized in listening to her stories, these women (like her) all believe something about them is still not good enough. Many of them are actresses, prostitutes, women who rely solely on their external appearance to survive. She told me how she found solace in helping these women. It wasn't a love of the products or procedures; or the desire to be beautiful herself, although, that was part of it in the beginning. It ended up helping her develop empathy for the other side: the woman her husband left her for. Somehow she needed to see firsthand, the cruelty of being beautiful to make a living, in order to come to peace with what had been done to her marriage.

Unfortunately, that forgiveness came too late. The cancer ran its course, while she was on a three week break from radiation therapy. She came down with something, and within days, she was dead.

How to heal the water (or sacral) chakra

She died when I was back in the States, and on my sophomore year of running my own business. Living with her for two years was the best preparation for running it, because I got used to the cycle of going to work in the late morning and weekends, being free for 60% of your time, and making my life about life entertainment. I was prepared for the rigors of entrepreneurship from listening to her complain.

If there was anything that I could've done differently, it would've been to have indulged her in taking a vacation to Italy. At the time I had a timeshare but I didn't have the means financially to buy the airplane ticket or spend the time off from work. Several times we tried to book it, but, like some other moneymaking schemes undertaken by my cousin, better opportunities in Asia always turned up, and she scurried away to make money, first.

I really regret that, because taking my family on vacation was the whole point of my buying (and paying off the mortgage on the timeshare for 15 years). Now every time someone passes away, even my dad, who is a scrupulous saver, would say, "Let's take a trip. Or let's spend some money or eat that. How many more days can you enjoy life?" The money that was so important and that we all worked to accumulate, isn't going with you.

I know that's a whole different mindset for some of you, but maybe one worth taking into consideration.

To heal the water chakra, look at what you blame yourself for. When events happen in your life, whether as a result of your doing or not, accept the reality that things happen and forgive yourself. By letting go of the emotional baggage, we can release guilt and other issues, blocking us from the true enjoyment of life.

In my cousin's case, she tried but never got over the failure of her marriage. Having gone to Catholic school, she had concepts about her sexuality that prevented her from getting over failed attempts at relationships with new partners, that turned her mind off to new opportunities, despite how beautiful she was; and in general, hampered a search for a new husband. She also put herself in a role that required so much responsibility that she couldn't take time off to heal that wounded aspects of her identity.

Other ways to balance this chakra include:

  • Learning to open the hip area, doing yoga or other calisthenics;
  • Engaging in free movement or dance;
  • Visualizing orange — eating, absorbing, wearing and infusing yourself, in this color;
  • Keeping the other chakras balanced; and
  • Letting go of any unnecessary baggage, emotional or physical, that cloud or poison your environment, thoughts and, ultimately, your body.

Conclusion

Despite all the trials and tribulations in our lives, the gift of a physical body is more than what hundreds of thousands of disembodied spirits have. All of them wish, if they could do it again, to have lived differently, knowing what they know now after death. Had they known about the possible toxicity of their thoughts and inclinations, perhaps they wouldn't let themselves harbor them. So learn from this story and resolve to take your pleasure seriously. We never know when it'll be someone's or out last breath on Earth.

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It’s hard to let go of inner demons; they were holding you when no one else would

There are many articles on psychic protection and negativity, but sometimes the one thing we neglect to look at is the negativity within us. When we protect ourselves, we also protect the old patterns and ways of doing things; some of behaviors comfort us long after we have tried to eliminate them, such as smoking, overeating, gambling, overspending, other physical indulgences and unusual relationships with spirits and entities when we are lonely.

Six years ago I was talking to my Pakistani partner in Taiwan. A strange woman came into his coffee shop and started talking animatedly about feeling touched intimately at night by unseen forces and occasionally having erotic dreams. When we looked into it, it appeared that that the apartment she recently moved into had an apparition, a man that killed himself in the building. Apparently he hadn’t left and, through this woman’s curiosity, started haunting her. She had lost weight, was starting to get depressed and didn’t have a job. We gave her the water test and indeed the negativity was rampant.

While we could cleanse the apartment, something about the woman’s behavior triggered us. My partner consulted his healing family in Pakistan and we found that she was the one summoning the ghost, as it provided endless hours of fascination and chat for her. In her loneliness, SHE was the one keeping it housebound, to which we threw up our hands and resigned the assignment.


In many instances, as much as people say they want to release their inner demons, once they are free of them they don’t know what to do with the free time, the lightness or the inability to block off unpleasant feelings. Things might go well for a few months. Then the spirit returns and speaks to them, and if the individual has not looked at the pattern and/or relationship with a strong desire to leave it, it isn’t hard for them to be deceived back into the relationship with their demons again. It could be for as stupid a reason as revenge, vanity, desire for power, or company while lost and lonely, as the story above.

How do you know when your inner demons are back

Your habits become slack. Sometimes you become overly or under-concerned about your physical appearance and hygiene. You grow depressed and start having negative mental dialogues that seem abusive or forceful rather than calm and encouraging. You’re drawn back into self-destructive binges — and inappropriate excesses, that bring you in a cycle of self-hatred and pessimism. Often there is a complete personality change. In some cases, this is involuntary; in others, it’s accompanied by a self-induced belief that an individual is becoming his favorite icon and transcending his previous personality.

Nonphysical demons are no less different than living demons. They are charming. They ply us with flattery, lies and false promises when we are weak; and they never leave us alone even when we ask them to leave. They will keep tempting us, especially during holidays and just as we are almost done letting them go. They keep us in neverending mental dialogues of past memories and unresolved angst.

Frequenting hot spots, picking up unexpected guests

Especially if you still visit etheric hot zones, such as graveyards, bars, war zones, and sites of fatal accidents. When I was an archaeologist, I used to have constant run-ins with disincarnate human entities. You can feel them by cold it makes your skin run; and they are as real as being in a room with a corpse. It is an unpleasant feeling, and if you do not have a spiritual practice where you can invoke a Higher Power to dispel them, they can attach to your aura. We’ve had several clients, who, after visiting battle sites, have come in for consultations. At first, some seem like friendly ghosts; hiding in a vulnerable form, but then bring in a host of other negative energies.

Why healing sometimes is not a one-shot deal?

In many addiction cases, the pain is real, hidden and brings up shame. It’s not a mechanical process that releases the trauma but the acceptance of others that frees people from the long term suffering. Understanding (and reclaiming parts of the memory that have been pushed out of consciousness) takes time and careful excavation of the soul layers; it sometimes even takes years, depending on how ingrained the pattern has been, and it also takes time, supported by a thoughtful counselor/partner, to help the individual learn and stabilize new healthier behaviors.

Sometimes the hardest part lies in finding the right environment to articulate the plausible causes of trauma, as Western society sometimes does not have a sufficient vocabulary to describe the strange, eery hauntings and inner turmoil. Practitioners in the West tend to invalidate the experiences of the paranormal; rather than examine it for what the individual is going through in his or her as a result of their ancestral lines or  current lifetime lessons.



The other reason: releasing demons is a stubborn affair

Not all wounds are visible; they are hidden, and only haunt us in moments of solitude. We sometimes have given up on clearing our demons, because we have, for such a long time, slowly become ingrained with their negative behaviors and now don’t know how to exist with these crutches. That, they go unperceived and silent, makes them a deadly killer.

Slowly but surely, you are dying inside but there are visible signs of struggle or difficulty to the outside world. This is most common of long-term anxiety, depression and a host of other self-destructive habits and tendencies.

Therefore, when you seek treatment do not distress if you suddenly relapse back into old behaviors. It’s more common that you think. Sometimes it takes 16 relapses before you finally find the stress to leave the oppressor of your tortured soul. Sometimes, like me, it takes 17 years to heal certain deep-rooted mindsets inherited through your ancestral line.

It’s hard to let go of inner demons; when they were holding you when no one else would. 

Before you embark on any particular program, you should be prepared to look at your own thoughts (and how they contribute to a negative state). Often when we attribute the Negativity to forces outside ourselves, we neglect to rinse our own inner cup of energies (and behaviors that keep us stuck in unproductive mental states of suffering).

This isn’t an article to go into the various kinds of spirit attachments but to explain that it is as common to catch a demonic being as it is to catch a physical pathogen, such as bacteria, viruses, and parasites. If your motives are not entirely healthy, no amount of regular, self-monitoring routine for spiritual and mental hygiene can remove what you are unwilling to let go of.

When you are ready to let them go, stop talking to them. It’s as simple as that, but it could be difficult if you have no one else.

In the next few weeks, we will provide posts about psychic protection that might work for you if you are ready to step into a new self.

#telepathynation #self #innerdemons #protection #failures #addiction #mentalsuffering #unconscious #holdingon #darkness #wound #loneliness #alienation #misunderstood #selfdoubt #illusion #separation

Your heart and my heart are old friends

This morning while working out, I was introduced to another woman, and she immediately declared, “I know you.” We racked brains together to figure out how but couldn’t come up with how. I laughed and thought, this is hilarious. It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s time to write about an age old favorite, the “old soul.”

How do you know a stranger when you never met them?

The soul is ageless. Unlike our physical body it transcends time. As we go from one incarnation to another, we fall asleep to our previous lifetimes and part of an Infinite Consciousness, and start over in a new body. 

Many of the new children (those born after 1970)—crystal, indigos, rainbow, etc. –remember who they once were, because we have made it acceptable to remember these lifetimes, and welcome these children as bearers of light to remind us; however, most of us who are older have been conditioned to suppress and deny these memories.

Recovering lost memories

One of the first things my teacher did with me when we started working together was: she made me recall my childhood memories. She rolled the film, as if she and I were passive observers watching a movie, and she bore witness to some of my deepest secrets and mystical moments. As if we were time travelers, we went back to a grove of trees when I was five years old in Longwood Gardens, Pa. A family friend was getting married, and I remember getting lost and feeling sad that day. Even though I was a little girl, I experienced her happy day with a flush of other memories from another experience that was so vivid, I felt so much older than my 5 year old body; and, true to date, these past life experiences have kept me from being married. 

Another time I remember daydreaming in my dad’s station wagon, and looking up into the clouds, I could interpret the formations, and downloaded memories so sophisticated, I felt like I knew my purpose and told myself that in this lifetime, it’d be better to be intelligent than beautiful. There was more information than that, but those moments faded as I didn’t know how to record them and when around adults that treat you like a child, you learn act in accordance to the societal role and the memories get pushed back and forgotten.

And that is why it’s so important to interact with others. Whatever your religious beliefs, we never stop running into people that remind us of who we are from some unknown connection that is unexplainable. Sort of like a déjà vu or parental figure or person from a recurring dream. If you believe that the soul migrates upon physical death, then the possibility of past lives makes a lot of sense; for there are moments of recognition that we can neither explain or logically understand with our human minds, but their interaction with us, help us recover lost pieces of our journey that we need to reclaim in order to become Whole. This relates to friends, teachers, coaches, strangers as well as lovers, and thus we can call any one a soul mate. 

How do we recognize our soul mates?

A soul mate is a person that shares a common bond with you for the purpose of growing. It could be sister, a friend, a pet or a lover. Usually the bond is instinctual. You might even experience greater harmony with those outside your ethnic and family group. Sometimes you feel drawn to different time periods and cultures for no reason. Sometimes there is so much commonality that there almost seems no need to talk or overly explain. They somehow know us, as if we are two peas in a pod. There is no explaining why you both are so close, but it appears that in spite of outward differences, there are many deep ways this person mirrors some of our best and worst traits. 

If you have been around for many lifetimes, you begin to see people and immediately place them into archetypes — whether it is a four or five element astrological system, an animal totem, a fairy or crystal or mineral. As Steven Bancarz explains in his The Mind Journal article entitled, “Five things only old souls can fully understand,” “this is because you have seen the archetype of that person before in a past life and are familiar with the general behavior and psychology of that archetype. You have interacted with thousands of people throughout the course of your soul’s history, so there is really no archetype you haven’t interacted with yet.” As we evolve, we simplify these traits to learn about others and the boundaries of our own selfhood with respect to them through exchanging, loving, and sharing hidden aspects of ourselves. 

Some soulmates stay for a long time and become companions; others come and go, leaving us with pain and disappointment but also a gift of deeper compassion, understanding and sensitivity. We learn deeper whom we are compatible with; and we learn that relationships have many purposes.

Not all soul mates exist to fulfill us romantically.

Some soul mates come to help a person manifest a personality trait, a piece of art or a movement. Examples of people that get together for more than a romantic purpose are many. Bo Derek and her husband John Derek’s coupling helped mold her into a sex symbol. Another example is the relationship between Georgia O’Keefe and Alfred Stieglitz, the latter of which provided the financial support and promotion for her to receive acclaim as an artist. Another example is the spiritual partnership between Martin Luther king and Coretta Scott King. They each fortified each other and Coretta finished his legacy.

Certain traits do incline individuals to get along with each other; for that reason, we read the horoscope and marvel at how accurately it explains the quirks about our partner. Other times, our partners behave completely out of sync with the archetype, depending on which side of good and evil, he or she chooses to express. That said, we may not always be able choose the best partners but we can surely educate ourselves in choosing the right people to be more around with. 

If you’re not with the One or lost someone, maybe you have to learn to be the ‘One’

All of us want our relationships to last an eternity; however, if our soul has signed up for great challenges and growth, it is possible that that destiny can only be fulfilled by phases (and different partners at each phase); periods of solitude; or even divorce, loss and betrayal.

When life becomes tough and you come in for a consultation and ask how could I have signed up for this? The only explanation is that your life story is meant to be a drama for others. Sometimes to fulfill the soul’s need for such an experience to grow, mature and heal some of its past life wounds, we go through wrenching events as well as positive ones. As Arnold Swartzenegger once said, when you ask for greatness, it “does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” Thus life produces the experiences that shape us into the individuals we aspire to become, and it’s up to us whether we become a victim of those circumstances or we learn to rise above.

Other times: life is going to happen to us regardless of our conscious control. For that, we sometimes have to acquiesce to a Higher Power and trust that, in some way, it is for our highest good.

If you want to actively moderate some of life’s dramas that are within our control, knowing the karmic patterns, in which you engage with certain individuals, can give you some insight into what you are experiencing and, if it’s a lesson you want to get over with, you can start taking action to resolve it. We may not be able to avoid certain types of people, jobs, illnesses, events, accidents or burdens, but we have, through many spiritual and psychological tools, to address unexplained fears, phobias and esteem issues that plague us from unsettled patterns from the past.

Each relationship is like a refining process. Our character becomes better defined and more durable; as we learn what can destroy us and what brings us back to joy and happiness. The more we see our relationships as a means to develop self-love, the more we can let go and enjoy the sometimes roller coaster ride that our soul mates take us, while our destiny with them unfolds and fulfills its purpose.

Fear not that there won’t be anyone out there for you. 

Be it a new friend, a new lover or a new pet. Despite what Hollywood wants you believe, there is no One and Only soulmate; there are multiple soulmates in the journey of life. Maybe that might not give you comfort when you are in a dry spell or experiencing a long bout of loneliness; however, if your heart is open and you have done the work to address what might not gone right in the last relationship, you will find others. 

As you work on becoming the right person, i.e. your authentic self, and putting yourself out there, law of attraction has to deliver true love to you with someone who appreciates your unique characteristics.

Conclusion 

No matter how successful, painful or disappointing, soul mates come to remind us who we are and show us how to love ourselves. If we welcome the experience understanding the purpose together, soul mates can help us experience love without fear before we go back into the light we came from.