Having a life that no one understands is a big challenge.
Even though you could have so much in common with others, such as the same background, neighborhood, schooling, desires, etc., but if you are one iota different than the norm, most people sometimes do not want to connect. They may be mystified by you but they still prefer their connections with those that are at the same level or lower.
No matter how you try, people tend to judge you within the first few minutes or interactions and set their future behavior with you by it.
If you vibrate at a slightly high frequency than most, you will not fit in. It’s not you; it’s more the speed by which you take in the world; and if you are swifter at seeing through the hidden it sometimes makes people uncomfortable.
No matter how hard you work or try, how the ‘in’ group pegs you remains a barrier until someone of high social value in the group points out that you are acceptable.
Instead of moving forward, you are forever battling their perception of you, and as an empath it’s hard not to be able to miss that when you are in shared space but this is how you can stand up to it.
Bolster yourself with wise words
I like to collect images or quotes that strengthen the inner self. Words have power. When we live by them, as JFK said, we can be indomitable. As our imaginations are more active than most, we don’t need something to be physically present to bring it into our present reality. Just as affirmations program the mind, we can use aphorisms to empower us throughout days when the popular mind is set against us.
Some people read the Bible. This is good, too; whatever brings you to a place of peace when the world is upside down.
Understand that you and others are mirrors for improvement
Usually it’s not about you; it’s about what you bring up for others. As empaths we have a natural ability to reflect the light of others. Upon occasion some people won’t like the self they see in your mirror.
Lately I have been experiencing a little conflict with my boss. Even though we get along well, he has been susceptible to believing the rumor mill’s ranking of me and less in the output that I produce. This leads to a devaluation process, which is disappointing.
When I discussed an opportunity to move into another department with a coworker, a colleague gave me some perspective on my boss’s situation. Namely, that he had been passed over for a promotion last year by a peer; and, despite all the kudos, personal charm and outward recognition displayed towards him, even a popular guy like him has struggles.
This made me realize that being accepted by your peers isn’t enough. Even the ones that are well-liked and perceived as ‘normal’ do not make it up the corporate ladder.
When you realize this you have to take a step back, forget your bruised ego and think deeper about the context. Is it the department? Are the opportunities for growth limited in your path? So much so that they cannot promote even if you keep putting in superior performance, year after year. Are you important to the top line? Are your efforts critical to the mission’s success? Those are the real questions you should ponder.
In such a case, he can only prepare you for the indifference of others. Instead of encouraging your enthusiasm, he is teaching you about adjusting your expectations so that you can limit the damage others can do to you. The unfair nature of life is dictated by limited resources and the sooner you know that, the better equipped you are to find ways through trial and error to demonstrate value outside those parameters.
Negative attention is still attention; shine on
For many years I hid my gift from people, because it always held me apart from people in a way that inspired more jealousy than admiration. When people feel inferior to you, they look for ways to knock you down in order to even out the pecking order, especially in a male dominated field such as banking. It’s very sensitive; if you do not pay homage to a person’s title or their perception of status over you in the company, they will find subtle ways to make you suffer.
The people who get away with not inspiring the wrath of big egos are the small people — the disabled, crazy or lowest levels of the bunch. They have a right to exist because they do the grunt work no one wants to do. YOU, on the other hand, have to ingratiate yourself and present yourself with a servile attitude in their presence or be served with a warning or pink slip. In the name of people who don’t know their place.
For empaths this means you are made to feel less. The mean girls — as in peers or subordinates, are there at the Christmas party, hating on you; and the superiors who take it upon themselves to feel slighted by your indifference make it a point to avoid eye contact, pretend to not hear you and not acknowledge you in public.
When you buck the curve, the herd goes wild. Shine on, anyway.
Why? Because so many others are cowering, afraid to express their ideas and themselves. When you take a step you let people feel the energetic difference of not having to put on self-imposed airs of too much seriousness. You can do your job and breathe. Do that, so others can see there is more than one way to be successful. They can look at their unique gifts then and not lower them in value.
Additionally, you will gain the respect of superiors who want improvement and see the value of employees who take the initiative to seek different solutions without seeking the validation of others.
Trust your gift even when it gets you in trouble and makes you stick out like a sore thumb. Even if it is unearthing different aspects of a problem, it is a blessing to correct things caused by human conditions, such as demeaning others or being out of sync with the natural proclivity of a cultural norm. Those are even more valuable insights because they lie unspoken, undetected and unaddressed by conventional management techniques. They are only understood when brought into the light for reflection.
Stay out of judgment; the best gift you can give others is space
Consider how radio stations work. If you are with people who are in consonance with your frequency you find communion, a desire to celebrate and rejoice in each other’s presence. When you are with those that aren’t (and this particularly includes negative people), you will feel their repulsion. Like it or not, your gift will not only unearth these personal preferences; they will magnify the differences because you will feel immediately the temperament of the people in a hot/cold manner that is hard to miss.
At times it has nothing to do with how well you work or co-exist. It usually has to do with values. When the differences widen, people disconnect. Or they feel they cannot grasp the abstraction and lose interest in trying to understand. They label you eccentric and move onto more comfortable interactions, ones that guarantee a sense of belonging and avoid pressuring their sensitivities.
I felt that way today. There was a noticeable coldness in people’s behavior. A colleague whom I always look up to was unnaturally formal and standoffish. He met my helpfulness with rejection, which stung. When later I inquired with another coworker what was the cause of the mood, I was told that the raises were being decided. Unquestionably, many people resented the outcome. Because he was unable to express his anger and contempt directly, some of that mood spilled over to unsuspecting innocent bystanders.
If I were my younger self I would absorb that negativity and manifest it. Having spent time working with a teacher and learning how to distance myself, I realize that you have to let time pass before passing judgment. We feel so many strange things that it takes time to investigate and sort out what is ours versus what is others’ feelings. Because you are yourself, you have opened the gates for others to be open with their emotions, too; don’t block or judge others when they have a less than a positive reaction. Sometimes it is for justice when people are indignant; other times it’s frustration that their level of effort is not met with their expectations.
When I found out it had nothing to do with me, I could stop walking on egg shells and use my gift productively. Bringing back the memory of that moment, I jumped into his consciousness to be a third party witness to understand the situation and understand my role in its resolution.
Use your curiosity to close the gap and bring others closer
Yes, indeed, when I could step outside of myself I could see how bonuses made people who already work hard, work that much harder. In this post-elite world order, where imbalances in income are finally being addressed, the toll takes an impact on the highest echelon. The most important players–the new business leaders and those that are holding onto the business, are seeing their gains marginalized. All those extra costs in regulating and maintaining a fair, contemporary organization, hit the ones on the front lines the hardest: for some of them they don’t know if everything they worked their working lives for is worth it any longer.
While the majority find solace in diminished returns by balancing work/life goals, those who are used to making large bonuses can remain frumpy over the changes in the reward system. Most of the population won’t understand it, but it’s like being an A+ student all year round among the A-list team and only getting the same percentage increase as the janitor, whom you perceive as not sacrificing as much to achieve the level of mastery that you have. Nothing drains morale than when leaders fail to acknowledge the efforts of the team.
From my perspective these are the people who are most in need of our gifts because they have been so trained to meet short-term expectations, they have forgotten how to take an eternal view.
People who win all the time in life ironically suffer from a limited sense of appreciation. When material value is your primary means of self-identification, small declines can magnify deeper areas of dissatisfaction in your life. It’s sad but these people are more unfortunate than you in that their focus on material gain sometimes gets in the way of attaining the richer aspects of life that money can’t buy, such as a healthy relationship, a happy family, passion, time, respect, and inner peace. Time, in particular, is one that cannot be recovered. That is why so many executives at supposed high levels of the banking world talk about leaving and never going back. It’s soul-wrenching what they allow their companies to do to them: i.e. to allow the narrow pursuit of money limit their self-expression.
Those are all aspects that we, as empaths, can intuit and help guide when circumstances go awry. If we can do it before it becomes too late, we can improve the overall work atmosphere.
Why is this such a game changer that could help you get ahead?
Why do we love Sir Richard Branson so much? Because in a dog-eat-dog world he is bucking the trend and saying, “be happy,” “enjoy your vacation,” “give more” and making others experience the difference in quality of life that creates. Fun becomes the reason you come to work, the rationale for paying more because you want to be served by happy people. The ‘energy’ of the moment becomes valuable. In a world focused only on results, it’s placing humans back in the driver seat of what’s truly important: the experience.
When people at a lower vibration feel the benefit of our higher perspective, and most importantly feel understood, we create the bridge for them to recover. The journey we take into their inner world is the healing we bring to the table. On another level we converse with their Higher Self to connect the dots and bring that person back into the fold without feel shame or any other negative judgment they may be feeling towards themselves.
If we are on a speaking level with them, we can convey the lesson. If we are not we still create a space for the soul to find the key in our auric field. So when the storm is over (and if they can let go of the negativity) they too can find the missing link and eventually re-find joy in working again. Perhaps that is being a team player in a way that no one can deny. It is a ‘felt’ difference that allows people to go through their feelings without feeling watched or pressured.
People think that getting ahead is a battle of reason and logic when really it is, as I mentioned earlier, a case of values. Employers are human and make decisions based on what they personally value, which is emotion-driven. If you are lucky, the organization consciously designs its relationship with its employees, suppliers, clients and stakeholders, and will spell it out. Unfortunately, the majority operates on unwritten rules.
That’s where our gift as empaths helps. Your knowledge of what the group or supervisor cares about puts you in the driver’s seat. Even the best management techniques won’t work unless you create a safe environment, built trust, and give people the space to reach their conclusions about you and your desires at their own pace. Perceptive executives can sense which individuals lift up the organization. If you can intuit how to lighten the psychic burdens of those around you, you won’t go unnoticed for that promotion.
As empaths we have more homework because we have our emotions AND that of others’ to contend with, but we have more conscious ability to shape the emotional tone of our environment. Because we know the regrets of the dying, we know what life is meant to be and have a responsibility to help those who are lost rediscover purpose and meaning. If we can show others that we can use our sensitivity in a caring manner without losing identity in the drama around us, many more would follow us. Together we all can find peace and be rewarded for it, too.